Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
