Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
