you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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