I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
