My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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