I just threw up on my dentist
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
