so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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