I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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