I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
