why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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