I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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