before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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