I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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