I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize