I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Even my vagina gasped.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
