you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
did i walk over a car last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
