tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
