You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize