i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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