Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
