singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
