Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
