Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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