A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
