have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
