How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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