even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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