That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
