I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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