Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
