we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
did i walk over a car last night?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
