lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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