Christians are straight up FREAKS
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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