Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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