hotel room ftw
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
