I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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