sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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