dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
