Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Less talking, more tequila
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
