Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
