I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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