Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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