i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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