shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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