The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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