Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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