I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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