who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
