guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
did i just pee glitter
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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