i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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