y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
