If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
