My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
