When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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