i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
