Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
