im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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