Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
