break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
