in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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