looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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