Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
