Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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