Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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