As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I smell like Dick and happiness
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
