if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
