I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
