FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone came in the potted fern
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
