she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
