I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
