it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
