Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
