But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
