I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
