I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
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So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You ruined the universe
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