I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
