I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
