so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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