i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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